Hahahahaha.  Oh John McCain, I have a letter for you.  Fan mail?  Probs not.  But it goes a little something like this:

Dear “This One,”

Since you want to call Obama aka King of the Nation “That One,” I shall address you as “This One.”  Yes, I said it.  First of all, it was a little weird that you wanted to belittle Obama by not saying his name.  Is it because you’re skurred?  A POW, skurred of a community organizer?  Hmmm, you fail.  Also, did you see my man last night?  He DWARFED you in poise and composure.  He strutted around the floor like he was talking to a group of friends, while you hobbled around like an icky old melting doll.  Yes, I said it.  I mean, can you take any kind of joint medicine to loosen that up?  It looks terrible.  If I were a world leader, I wouldn’t even want to shake your stiff old nasty hand.  Hands that are, by the way, little b*tch hands.  Those are not the hands of the next President of the United States.  You simply looked like a hot mess.  Maybe you wouldn’t look so bad if you went tanning and weren’t so pale.  But oops, guess that’s out of the question, huh?

I know you also enjoyed how my man got all up in that ass when you make jokes about running into outher countries and effing them up.  Because that’s mature.  No wonder other countries hate us–we have some weasely old freaky dude running around talking about bombing the eff outta people.  Grinch?  Scrooge? Anti-Christ?  Probs.  And why did you keep calling the audience your friends?  Did you see when the debate was over–people were running up to Obama and hugging him and getting pics with him.  Didn’t really see that with you…and you wanna know why?  BECAUSE YOU ARE CREEPY.  Yes, I said it.

In conclusion, I propose that you drop out of the race now, so I can start celebrating and drinking early.  It is clear that through your past actions and views that you do not understand the needs of the country as a whole unless someone is a rich, sleazy businessman.  And no, I don’t think we should get all up in other countries asses without discussing it first.  And I think your healthcare plan is BS.  You, “my friend,” are BS.  You’re also a liar.  If I hear you mention that Obama voted for tax increases 94 times one more time, I’mma be in yo’ stuff.  Just **poof** be gone.  I’m not pickin’ up what you’re puttin’ down (can you even bend over to put something down??).

Your friend,

me

Hey kids.  So, everyone knows I hate Sarah Palin, right?  So why not design a t-shirt about it?  If anyone else wants one, let me know and I’ll see how much they’ll cost… Otherwise, I’m just gonna get it in white.

Lately, I’ve been getting a little fed up with people being “thrown under the bus” for no good reason. In the past two weeks, I’ve seen it many times personally and in the news. The latest spectacle with Reverend Wright is the most blatant and utter display of hating and childish revenge I have ever seen. Although I write a little crazy sometimes, I do not feel as if it would be enough to simply type, “Wright, I’m comin’ for that ass.” Because am I, really? Of course not, but I sure do want to. However, I don’t even think that Wright is worth me going to jail for, because he’s a piece of crap human.

Look, Wright, I don’t know what c**t Hillary is paying you or offered you, but this shit has got to stop. You are about to ruin the campaign of the person that is most likely the most influential and inspiring presidential candidate of my lifetime, either out of spite, for financial gain/fame or because you feel like he didn’t have your back. But really, should he? Initially, I understood your comments and what you were trying to say, sort of. But now, it’d be a great time for you to STFU. I don’t appreciate this shit. What are you, a closet Republican? Because I’ll tell you one thing–if you ruin this for Obama, I WILL NOT VOTE FOR CLINTON. Will not. So, if you’d like to get your rocks off by keeping our troops in Iraq and screwing everyone over, whatever. Just know, that no matter how holy a person you think you are, I’m pretty sure this little stunt will land you in Hell. You definitely have no morals and I am glad that Obama now sees the person his “uncle” truly is. Nothing but a lying piece of crap trying to screw the country and person you want revenge on for petty gain. Do not like. Do not want.

P.S. Get a tan, you asshole.

I’m sorry, this blog isn’t going to be intellectual or state political facts and candidate positions. Actually, no, I’m not sorry. Because if you want that shit, read/watch CNN. That’s what I’m doing. I’m here to talk about how instead of uplifting women, like she claims, Hillary Clinton is causing our demise. It’s 11:45pm on Tuesday–I have to get up at 5:30am to go to the gym. And I am DRINKING. I am drinking, people! And you wanna know why? Because of mother effing Hillary Stupid Loser Clinton. That’s fine, Hills–you won Ohio, I’ll pat you on your effing mother loving back. I’m proud of you–that rednecks and good ol’ boys in the South of the North support you. Be proud, you [insert extreme expletive here]. I listened to your speech. I heard you talk about and reference allowing little girls to hope, like you are the role model of a generation. [Expletive], you aren’t effing Barbie. You will never be Barbie. You are a tired, bitter old hag that can’t even dress properly. You are the WORST representation of a woman (besides a lesbian) that could be running for president. You ooze every stereotype that a woman should not be–a nagging, whiny, complaining, horrendous bitch. Even if you win Texas, we’re still going to blow you out of the water. And you wanna know why?? Because YES WE CAN. And no, you can’t. Suck it, Hills. Get a clue and get out while you still look mildly smart.

UPDATE: God just cried all night because of Hills’ wins. What does that fucking tell you?

Each day, I become increasing aggravated at Hillary Clinton. Not that I’m actually trying to follow her campaign, but she’s a total bitch and situations repeatedly arise that verify that fact. This morning, I click open Foxfire to CNN.com, my homepage (I know, I’m such a scholar), and read the following headline: “Ticker: Clinton Camp to Obama: Denounce TV Ad.” I go on to read this nonsense about how Clinton and her idiotic followers have their political panties all in the bunch because some group is going to run an ad that I can only assume is negative towards the Clinton camp because she said he “flip flopped”—side note: fucking STOP using the term “flip flop” if you aren’t referring to a political stance or issue. Can anyone say tragedy of Kerry 2004? Fuck you, Hillary Clinton.—on his stance about the use of these types of ads. UMMMMM, if she can run around saying shit like, “Shame on you, Barack Obama.” what the hell does she expect? If I were Obama, I’d smack that bitch up for having such a belittling tone. He is a grown man; learn how to speak to him. Also, the trivial attacks on his campaign style are just rude. I mean…it’s working isn’t it? Aren’t you losing, Hill? Stop being a hater. I can’t take it. She is such a whiny “Oh my God I’m losing” crybaby. If she’s this emotional now, what the hell do you think she’ll do if she’s elected? And watch out when she has PMS, we might have a new war every 28 days. I think if Clinton wins the primary I’m voting Republican or maybe not at all. Uggghhh…I think I’m going to get a shirt made that says, Hillary Clinton: 2000Hate.