West Coast Confusions

16Nov09

Okay, so I moved to LA, and I really like it. Let’s get that out of the way–all of you people can stop asking me if I love or still love it. Even if I hated it, I’d tell you I loved it, because I’m not sure why you’re on my junk like that. So stop. Next person to ask me that question is getting verbally abused. Just so you know. Anyways, so even though I love it, there are some “cultural shocks” that make like, no fucking sense to me. Like, they’re mind blowing–in the bad way. For instance, people don’t walk here, although the city is TOTALLY walkable. When did half a mile become so far you needed to drive when you have sidewalks and pedestrian signals? Seriously? And I know you’re going to In N’ Out, your ass needs to walk. Get it together. Furthermore, there seems to be this weird obsession here with people and ethnicity/race. Never have I had so many people ARGUE with me about what I am made up of when I tell them I’m black. Apparently, that’s not an acceptable answer. Oh sorry excuse me, let me say I’m 1/16 white and 1/16 native american, because that shit counts so much. Get the fug outta here. Y’all are trippin. Okay, and those aren’t even the worst offenses. The worst happened to me today at the grocery store, and I was REALLY confused because I’ve been to the grocery store multiple times and don’t feel like I had changed anything, so maybe the way the line was going was just different today. Okay, here’s what happened:

I was going to the self check out line at Ralph’s, ie, the Cali version of Kroger. As I approached the line, I see that people are in line, but no one is in the last aisle. Like, there was no one there. Initially, I thought that both of the check out thingies were out of order, I saw that one was, but the closest one seemed fine. I was a little confused, but I was like ummm okay, and go to that one. Instantly, this douchebag with a longboard in his cart (yes, for real, there was a long board in his cart. And wait, not just one, but TWO–womp womp) like, runs over to where I am, yelling at me like, “What’s the deal, there’s one line for the whole section, wtf?” So I look at him like, seriously, “Wait, seriously? Since when?” And he’s like, “UH, since always, so you need to move and let me go.” Wait a fucking minute. First off, I definitely lingered by the machine for a sec to see if anyone was going to go to it, and no one did. Dude, I’m sorry if you’re too high to realize when there’s a machine open, but that shit’s not my fault. Let’s keep it moving, people. EFFICIENCY IS KEY. But, back to my story. So I look at this dude, and okay, apparently this is something I wasn’t aware of, and normally, I would have been more than happy to apologize and move, but this little shit was like freaking out on me for no reason. Incorrect and incongruent. Learn how to speak to me. So I say, “Umm…yea…so if that’s the case I’ll move, but yea…I need to you slow your roll – I’m not sure who you think you’re talking to like that. You need to calm it down.” And he’s just like, “Well you need to move.” Like, totally rude for NO reason.

So in my final desire to always have the last word (yea, y’all know I’m like that), I say, “Alright you idiot, I’ll move. Learn how to talk to people. Dumbass.” And then, LOL, the cashier overseeing the self check out is like, “Oh, ma’am, this one’s open.” Soooo….I still didn’t wait in line, I was finished checking out BEFORE this douche, who started yelling at the associate about where the entry was for potatoes…and was on my merry way in less than two minutes. Like really, son, you’re doing too much. It’s not that serious. AND REALLY, what kind of grocery store has ONE LINE for the entire self checkout!? I’ve been frequenting grocery stores for many years, and yea…there is always a line for each AISLE, not the whole damn thing. Except for CVS, but they make that shit clear. That was probably one of the dumbest conversations I’ve ever had. I’m like, actually dumber now for speaking to that guy.

So yea, I fucking love Cali. But this goes to show you–Douchebags are universal. You can’t escape them.

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