Alright, so as most of you know, I have a bit of a late night fetish with Taco Bell. And so what?!?!? It’s delicious. Anyway, I mosey on over across the border while I’m on the phone with my friend and am trying to figure out what I want. Wait–what’s that??? Some blinking lights behind me!? Why…so I initially ignore and and continue to contemplate my order. Oh–blinking lights again?! So I lean out my window to the car behind me and I’m like, “What’s the problem?”

At this point, I become introduced to the HONGRY fat chick behind me, who starts yelling about how the order speaker is the next stop. I’m like, “Uhh…I don’t know what I want yet.” To which she responds, “HURRY THE FUCK UP!!! GET OFF THE PHONE AND ORDER!” Now, this would be a REASONABLE request if being on the phone with my friend was actually holding up my order, but it was not. I had STOPPED talking to him so I could order fatty, sodium filled food. At this moment, something inside me snaps. So I’m like, “Bitch, why don’t you get out your car and MAKE ME ORDER?!” Fat ass bitch. I told her ass she didn’t need any fucking Taco Bell anyway. Fuck her. She starts honking at me, I ignore her bacon-laden human and decide what I want to eat. After 2 minutes I decide what I want (omg 2 min is so long for a fucking obese idiot, didn’t you know?!?! YOU NEED BOOTCAMP), and when the dude asks me if I want anything else, I simply reply, “You can tell the fat ass bitch behind me to shut the fuck up and let me order because her ass doesn’t need any Taco Bell anyway.”

BY THE WAY–I ordered my burrito fresco style (w/o all the cheese and fatty sauce) and my Mexican pizza w/o meat, because really, what the fuck is that meat made of!?!?!? My fave part of the whole situation–he replies, “Ma’am, uh, I can’t do that.” while cracking the fuck up. Because NO ONE FEELS SORRY FOR FAT PEOPLE AT TACO BELL. NO ONE. Trust me on that shit. I hear her making her order behind me, so I yell, “Get a fucking salad, bitch!!! You do NOT need Taco Bell!!!!” What a stupid, fat fuck. I hate fat people. Seriously. Get your chubby ass in the gym or get the FUCK out of my face. I have no sympathy or time for you. This is all while fatty mcfatterson is still honking at me.

I leave the Bell and fatty mcfat is still behind me honking. At this point, I am cracking up because at the end of the day, she is still fat and probably HONGRY and I am the shit. Will I stop my car mid-motion to fight a fat chick? ABSOLUTELY NOT. I’m not trying to go to jail. I’m just trying to help people make healthier decisions in life. And with that, I am going to bed. Because did you know that sleep helps with weight loss too? I’m sure that bijiggity fat ho didn’t know. Let this be a lesson–do not get fat around me. I will only clown you and make innumerable jokes about Richard Simmons and Star Jones. Fitness rules.