The LCD Phenomenon

25Mar08

Before I begin this post, I’d like to thank my friend for introducing me to the term LCD. You know who you are–Batman and Robin forever, bitch! Moving on…

Now, what is LCD? Usually when we think of LCD, we think in terms of technology–like a LCD screen on a computer or TV. However, this time, we are using LCD like the old school math term, the Lowest Common Denominator. Don’t get lost yet, I’m just getting started. You’re sitting there thinking, “What the fuck is this bitch talking about math for? She ain’t in school.” Or maybe you think more intelligently in your head than I do, I dunno.

Today, the Lowest Common Denominator is that girl in the bar who all the guys try to take home. And no, it’s not because she’s really really good looking or has a sparkling personality. We all know her, it’s the girl who is a little below average or a bit chubby, so we know her self esteem is kinda low and she is always, ALWAYS the sloppiest bitch in the bar. I’m not talking about the striking girl at the bar pounding vodka sodas and patron shots while clearly keeping it together (i.e. me). I mean the chick who can barely stand, who’s talking to people but her head keeps drooping. Usually, if she starts making out with a guy at the bar, he literally has to hold this ho up so she doesn’t slump down into the back booth. (P.s. These scenarios constantly make me think all guys are undercover rapists–sorry.) She might be really loud and giggly between almost passing out, but there is one thing she never is–sexy.

Case in point: My friend and I were at the bar after that horrendous Duke game on Saturday. And lo and behold–there was actually a cute guy. I know, right? There must have been an eclipse or something. Anyways, he comes over to my friend and talks to her, but wait–he wasn’t really talking to her, he was trying to get a pen for his friend to take the number of this chick at the bar. And who could it be? The LCD. We observed this little sitcom carry on for a bit and then realized–it literally looked like there was a line of guys waiting to talk to this girl and her equally wasted friend. And TRUST ME, I would rate these chicks around….5s? I mean, if you like beer guts and child bearing hips, more power to you, but I wasn’t amused. One of the girls actually dropped her phone and started crawling around the floor for like 5 minutes. The funniest part about this was that all the guys trying to talk to her kind of just looked on and snickered as she crawled around looking like she was completely ready to get a train run on her from the back.

We continue to look at the shitshow that is unfolding in front of us and I think we got mad (it could have been the vodka). I was like, “Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me? That sloppy bitch has like 8 guys trying to talk to her, and we’re sitting here smashing limes into vodka?” I mean, not that I wanted to talk to any of these DC tools, but what the fuck?! How low are your standards, really? I asked some of my guy friends about this and they were all like, “I mean, he was just trying to bone.” WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BONE AN INCREDIBLY DRUNK NOT VERY ATTRACTIVE GIRL?! This phenomenon is absolutely BEYOND me. And further proves my opinion that all guys are either stupid or rapists. Seek help!!!

P.S. I think the LCD left the bar with the guy who was trying to get her number, who was a West Virginia fan. She was probably his cousin.

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Tags: drunk, guys, ugly chicks