Top 10 Retarded/Ridiculous Things Guys Say, Part II

13Mar08

And now, without further adieu, the top THREE funky things that come out of dudes’ mouths:

3. Come on girl, you know you want to…

Um, actually, you giant loser, no, I don’t. It’s the 21st century–women feel empowered enough to do whatever the hell we want. Therefore, I don’t need you telling me that I want to do something, because if I wanted to do it, I would. And I don’t need your approval, blessing, or encouragement. Especially when it comes to talking to guys and the like. I promise, if a girl REALLY wants to sleep with you, she will. There may be certain ways to convince her if she initially rejects you, but this phrase is NOT one of them. Try to step your game up a little. What kind of pompous asshole are you anyway? You think girls just stand in line waiting their turn for you? Unless your name is The Rock…I’m going to have to say no. Neeeeext.

2. Asking a girl to lunch/dinner–BEFORE YOU EVEN SAY HI.

Sometimes, I wonder if this ever works. Perhaps on gold digging, really hungry whores, but on the normal population, I doubt it. You haven’t even told the girl your name yet and you already want to dine with her? What? Why would you even set yourself up for a hell date like this? Think of it…by some crazy miracle she says yes…but what you don’t know, is that she’s actually in a cult dedicated to cannibalism and only eats raw beef with her hands and rubs it all over her face. That situation could have been easily avoided if you only took about 10 minutes to talk to the chick before you decided to eat with her. See how I help you?

And the winner… 1. Don’t worry about your boyfriend, I’m in the infantry–I’ll just kill him.

I promise you, some douche actually had the NERVE to say this to me. Talk about a creepy sociopath. It’s cute that you find me so attractive that you’re willing to kill for me, but I’m going to have to decline. How can we start our relationship when you’ll be in prison for murder anyway? I have needs, I can’t do long distance. Weekly visits talking on opposite sides of glass just isn’t enough for me. Also, nice way to disrespect the troops, you jerkoff. Why don’t you save all that energy and your killing ability for someone like, oh, I dunno, Bin Laden? Do your effing job so our troops can go home. P.s. Screw Bush.

Alright kids, that’s all I got. Additional submissions in the comments section would be great. Maybe I can write a book about how stupid guys are and make a shitload of money and bathe myself in handbags and glitter. Chuuuch–did I spell it right?

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Tags: Dating