Victoria’s Secret Beauty Rush Swirl Lipgloss: The Light at the End of My Tunnel

12Dec07

It is a rare and welcomed occasion when something makes me truly happy.  Like, so happy that I don’t want to snarl at children or kick a businessman down the escalator at the metro.  This afternoon, my friends, one of those moments shined down on me.  I was out for my daily lunch walk and decided to saunter into Victoria’s Secret (the sexiest place on the planet, or so they say).  I wasn’t finding anything good or surprising—you know, lots of v-strings and lacy stuff. But then, I walked to the beauty section and saw the most wonderful display EVER: NEW! BEAUTY RUSH SWIRLED LIP GLOSSES! 2 for $10, 5 for $20. As I stare at the sign, a bright pink light shines on me, glitter rains down from the ceiling and I hear Britney’s “I’m a Slave for You” playing in the background.  Alright FINE, I made all that stuff up. But you get the picture. I was elated. More than elated…absolutely euphoric.

I skip/pom dance over to the display to view the little gems one by one…hmmm, this is harder than I thought. The Big Caramapple? Gimme S’More? Goodness, how will I ever choose??? So, I just pick up all six of the new samples and head to the mirror, where I put on each gloss one by one, wiping each off with a tissue before I apply the next. Yes, people are looking at me with a peculiar stare, but what do I care? I am in lip gloss HEAVEN. My lips are sparkly and shiny, reminding me of glittered glass and hot summer nights—and beaches. Yes, beaches—me, in a white shimmering bikini, sipping mojitos with the most gorgeous man alive. I’m looking at myself in the mirror, wanting to make out with my reflection. But then, I remember I’m in public. The smell of the gloss is absolutely sinful and I take another deep breath, my mind swirling with bliss.

Finally, after examining each color upon my lips and smelling the glosses repeatedly, I decide on the following flavors: The Big Caramapple, Gimme S’more, Puddin’ Pie, Berry Latte and Butterscotcha. To provide you with an “I feel like I was there” experience, the color/scent breakdown is as follows:

The Big Caramapple: A rich ruby shade mixed with a shimmery sugar color. It smells like a caramel/candy apple, reminding me of the list of treats you weren’t supposed to take from strangers on Halloween. But ohhh…apples how you taunt me so! Sticky sugar goodness all over my face and fingers, occasionally getting stuck in my hair as I take each bite. The color comes out a very sheer red…perfect for those who find red lipstick a bit too…”cornerish.” This is one of my favorites, because the smell is rather strong and you can smell your lips. Ah, I’m hungry now.

Gimme S’more: Looks like white chocolate mixed with a graham cracker (surprised?)…smells like graham crackers (surprise, surprise), cinnamon, mocha and camping. Okay not really camping—because that would be gross. It reminds me of that show “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” though. The color is a sheer nude, but visible.

Puddin’ Pie: My fave!! Light and dark pink swirled together like cotton candy, but smells like decadent vanilla and chocolate pudding. Kind of like a donut with pink frosting and sprinkles, too. As for the pink, a very sheer bright pink; it reminds me of Barbie, but before she became a whore and I liked her comic book.

Berry Latte: Now, this one is a little interesting. Instead of a white shimmer, this one has gold with a deep rich purple. I looked at this and was like, “Wow, $10 hooker much?” It looks WAY too harsh in the tube. Thankfully, the smell is pretty good, like a Starbucks holiday frappuccino with a shot of cranberry flavor. Mmm…Starbucks. Surprisingly, the color isn’t harsh at all once applied and give a sheer dark pink (as you can tell, the word of the day is ‘sheer’) tint. Think—the lipgloss version of your mom’s lipstick that you wish she would stop wearing in public, only cute.

Butterscotcha: For some reason, this one reminds me of a Cabbage Patch Kid. It’s like, a very light pink shimmer swirled with peach. Maybe it reminds me of their skin tone? Who knows. The smell is exactly like those funky butterscotch candies; you know, the ones you try to suck on but end up biting and get sugar and ick all in your teeth. The color comes out a nice peach color—not too nude, not too orange. Me likey.

The only one I didn’t get was ‘Nilla Fudge because the color was too similar to the Pie…and I love pie. Yes, I picked five—got a problem with that? They were 5 for $20 and I had a $10 off card, amazing! Don’t be jealous because I’m walking around looking like I got kissed by a fairytale. Anyway, I highly recommend that you pick up one, or six, or twenty of these glosses. Then, we can all run around smelling like dessert and looking like goddesses. You want to join me in goddessdom (yes, I made that word up), I know you do…

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