Okay, so I totally caved and got EA Sports Active for my Wii. I’m always looking for new (funner) ways to work out, and this seemed like a good idea, especially during bikini season! Today was my very first workout, so I filled out my profile and got to it. First of all, I have to say that I think the calorie counter is complete BS, because it said that it took me 30 minutes to burn 141 calories, which is sorta wack. Come on, I was sweaty! But I digress, on to the workouts…
The Cardio: The cardio I did mainly consisted of running/walking (mostly running for me b/c I picked the high intensity workout) and running kick backs (running while literally kicking your own ass). There’s nothing really to the running part, just running in place, but the kick backs–maaaan. It’s not that they are hard, but they make you do them for like, three minutes at a time. Have you tried kicking your own ass for three full minutes? It’s a lot of quad work. These remind me of the one minute cardio intervals they have on some of my fitness DVDs…but this…is three minutes, hence the pain!
The Toning: Lunges and Squats: Self-explanatory, you do them holding the wiimote and the nunchuck in your leg. They usually make you do 20, which is pretty good–I think I ended up doing 2 sets each of squats and side lunges, maybe 3. 80+ butt toners in a video game? Not bad. My Luli Fama bikini thanks you, EA.
Lifting: Bicep curls, some shoulders, triceps…pretty standard stuff for the most part. The most annoying things about these exercises is you have to be sure to keep the wiimote facing where they say. Otherwise your trainer (mine is the dude, he’s sorta a douche) will tell you to focus, and I’m like GET OFF ME I’M DOING IT. But hey, at least to fix it, I had to do more reps. Nothing wrong with a little extra work. Also, everyone who keeps complaining about the lack of resistance with the band that came with the game, you can usually increase resistance by making the band shorter, ie tighter. So get on it and quit whining. Kthx. Also though, I really do wish the trainer didn’t hold the reps for as long as he did. I’m not really sure that I’m supposed to be holding a front row for like, 5 seconds before I can drop my shoulders back down. If I throw out my shoulder, EA is getting a letter. No joke.
Sport Games: Aight, now we’re getting into the nitty gritty! First of all, every time I play these freakin’ games I realize that I LOVE boxing. I just picture a bitch’s face I don’t like and I’m like, pa-dow, take that! I haven’t gotten to the speed bag yet, but I did the target boxing, which gives you regular punches and hooks. My left hook is mean, son! Watch out! The other sport I did was “inline skating,” which is HARD AS BALLS because it’s basically squatting in order to give your avatar speed, holding the squat until you get to the ramp, then JUMPING to complete your trick. Okay, my problem came because I had to jump up at the exact right time, which is hard to do once you get tired. After the first few squats/jumps, my avatar was definitely skatin’ mad slow because I wasn’t really tryin’ to keep holding that squat. I’m sure my quads are gonna kill tomorrow. But like always, anything in the name of fitness. 
)
I’m going to go back and try out some more games now. Hopefully being bored enough to play this game will get me ready for July 4th weekend. You might ask, “You lazy ho, why don’t you just go to the gym?” Don’t get it twisted, I’ll be in the gym too, but doing some kind of physical activity without it actually being “working out” is always a nice option. However, I don’t think I would exactly call this game fun. EA isn’t messin’ around. And I like that.
UPDATE: So I did another workout (I believe it was called the Athlete in You), and got to do basketball, tennis and volleyball. These were fun, although not very challenging. I made sure to incorporate my lower body into the workouts as well to keep it full body. Basketball included passing and shooting (I’m a beast), tennis was basically just hitting the ball (similar to Wii Tennis, but you had to do different arm movements for different kinds of shots), and volleyball was serving, bumping, setting and blocking. Man, do I suck at serving. I kept missing the ball like a loser. However, I’m the ish at bumping and setting. I think my shoulders are going to get buff. Additionally, I also added in a few workouts I wanted to try, like dancing. Dancing is easy–you just move your arms when it’s the right time in the correct direction. Make sure you jump around to get more cardio in. I found it hilarious when they told you to do moves like the shopping cart, lawmower and other silly moves. I bet you’d pay to watch me do those. It’s rather amusing!
And the day after…
Holy goodness, I am sore. I’m sure it is mostly from doing like, a billion squats and lunges and a ton of arm exercises, but man, my arms and butt are killing me! I also like how my abs are sore, and I didn’t even do any ab work! I’m thinking this is from the boxing part of the exercises. I work out consistently, so I’m constantly changing up my workout in order to trick my body into working harder. Overall, I’m liking the intensity of the exercises given. Alternating the sport exercises with cardio and toning gives you a lot of variety and I think really helps get your heart rate up. I was totally sweating (like, dripping sweat–the hardest part about doing the lifting exercises is that I didn’t want to move and get yelled at by my trainer, but there was sweat in my eye!) and I’m sore, so that’s two pluses for what I want out of a workout. I’m not going to sub these for my running intervals, but I’m def going to add them in.
Filed under: Fitness, Tech, Video Games | Leave a Comment
Tags: EA, exercise, Fitness, Video Games, wii, working out
2009 Dating Application
Ladies, my gift to you. Next time you are going on a date, simply have him fill out this application, and be on your way to dating bliss. Or kicking his wack ass to the curb.
Name:
Age:
Height:
Weight:
Physical Build (i.e. athletic, thin, toned, meathead, too much to love):
College/Major:
Occupation:
Hours/Days You Work in a Week:
Political Affiliation:
Do you have any kids? If yes, do they live with you?
How many days do you work out in a week?
How much can you bench press?
How often do you eat out or eat fast food?
What kind of music do you like? Please be as specific as possible.
Can you dance? Sober or drunk?
How many nights do you go out a week?
What is your favorite alcoholic beverage?
Do you like Harry Potter or Twilight?
What are your thoughts on Kobe Bryant?
What is your favorite NFL football team?
What extracurricular activities and/or sports do you engage in?
Please indicate what you would wear (top, bottom, footwear) at the following venues: a) a sporting event during the day, b) an after work happy hour, c) a dive-type bar (i.e. Adam’s Morgan, College Park), d) a lounge, e) a bar in Bethesda, f) Dewey Beach and/or Ocean City, g) a house party, h) a cookout.
Name the preferred activity–Text Messaging, Calling, Email:
Finish the scenario–You’re out at a bar solo with a girl, it’s around 11pm and her friends are around the corner. She wants them to come meet up with you guys. How do you respond?
What is the appropriate time of day to cease wearing flip flops, if at all?
Do you have any extra incentives (i.e. a boat, a beach house, a pool, etc)?
Finish the scenario–You’re out with your friends and a date, and for some reason, your friend is being completely inappropriate to your date, whether they are being rude, flirtatious, whatever. How do you react?
At this time in your life, what do you feel you want out of a relationship?
In your opinion, when is it acceptable to wear Crocs?
Now, from dude’s reactions to previous posts, I am not stupid enough to actually reveal what a guy has to put to go to the second round of the application process. Just print this out and go! Remember to say I sent you. Errr…or not?
xoxo
Filed under: Dating, Love | Leave a Comment
Tags: application, Dating, resume
There they are, in those damn trees again.
Although I have been subjected to the terror that is Twilight, not once, but twice in the literary form, I had never been bored enough to watch the movie. Well kids, today was that day. And I sort of want a vampire to kill me so I can forget that I ever saw this movie. Strangely, I was a fan of the cinematography, but that’s where my positivity ended. The acting itself is retched, a mix between overacting, underacting and mumbling, but seeing the actual story come alive was the worst part.
For those of you who are smart enough to stay away from the Twilight series, it’s about this chick who moves to Forks, Washington, meets this dude and falls obsessively in love with him. Surprise twist, the mofo is a vampire (a vegetarian vampire, no less), which results in chick (Bella) wanting to become a vampire so she can be with him forever. Totally healthy for a 17-year old, right? But let’s get to it. First of all, interestingly enough, Bella has a black dude in her crew at school. That’s all fine and dandy…but do we really think there are black people in Forks, Washington? Come on now, be honest. I’m not being racist, but seriously??? Funny thing is, besides almost killing Bella by hitting her with his car, the dude barely has any lines. Actually, I don’t think anyone has any lines really. The dialogue is filled with awkward silences and sideways glances. It’s obvious that kids apparently have no personality in Forks.
So anyway, at the beginning of the film, Bella and Edward (vampire guy) barely speak at school, although he does save her weird ass a couple of times–they go out once to a restaurant where Edward doesn’t eat (because that wouldn’t make a girl feel fat), Bella figures out he’s a vampire and *BAM* she’s madly in love with him and can’t live without him. Really? Okay, Stephanie Meyer (the author of the Twilight books), I really feel like you’re not setting a good example. Edward creepily comes into Bella’s room at night to watch her sleep without her knowing about it, tells her that she is his life, and all sorts of other shit that sounds crazy coming from a teenager. In fact, it would sound crazy coming from anyone. Bella is no better. She repeatedly freaks out anytime she believes Edward is going to leave her. In fact, it’s pretty much the only time she shows any emotion at all. And weirdly, because Edward and Bella can’t do it (not because they are teenagers, but because Edward won’t be able to “control” himself and will like, eat her or something), I really think that them climbing trees in the movie is symbolism for having sex. It’s really weird, because Edward like, climbs up the tree with Bella on his back and they basically climb around each other while some music is playing. I’m gonna call it tree screwing. Try it sometime. Also, Bella is supposed to be clumsy as shit, yet she’s nimble as a fairy on those damn trees. Sounds fishy to me. Basically, the movie is just pointless. That’s why I don’t really have much to say about it. The actors in it are really lucky, though. I guess it’s cool to be in a movie and get famous because it’s based on a super retarded book when you only have like, five lines. Lucky bastards.
Other things that pissed me off–Cam Gigandet plays the bad vampire, James, in the movie. But they made him look all dirty and shit!!! Like, he has blood under his nails and dirty, tangled long blonde hair. It’s a fucking crime. You can’t make Cam Gigandet look dirty!!! He should have been like, a smooth ass dude. I was annoyed. Also, the kid who plays Jacob in the flick, Taylor Lautner, is pretty hot. And then I Googled him and learned that he’s 17. I feel dirty now–not as dirty as Cam, though. But seriously, have you fucking seen this kid? He can’t keep his shirt on! It’s just WRONG–this 17 year old has like, ridiculous abs–IT’S NOT RIGHT PEOPLE. I need all you guys to take a lesson from Taylor Lautner and get in the gym. Now. And keep going. Repeatedly. Sad thing is, I’ll probably go see New Moon (the sequel), because he’ll probably have his shirt off. Oh, by the way, he’s a werewolf. Surprise!
In conclusion, just stay away from Twilight. If you haven’t read/seen it, don’t start. It’s like a train wreck. Yet, the second book is strangely amusing because Edward isn’t in most of it. That is the only compliment I’ll give. Just stay away, though. It’s scary!!
Filed under: Do not Like, Film | 1 Comment
Tags: movies, new moon, twilight
So, I’ve been getting a lot of backlash regarding the increase of man bashing that’s been going on in my writing. I mean, what can I say? Certain things have um, inspired me lately. However, I need y’all to calm down a little bit. First of all, it’s really not that serious. Someone told me that I can’t talk about a serious subject, then write it off in jest. Really, I didn’t know I couldn’t do that, sir. Also, I’m not talking about the AIDS epidemic or prisoner torture–I’m talking about fucking dating. Which, fortunately, to me, isn’t that serious. Probably because I never want to get married or have kids, so it’s not really a priority to me. But I digress. Yes, I am quite aware that women are known to do some ridiculous shit as well. I’m not really sure how I’m going to write this, because I usually am involved in friendship situations with chicks and only hear some things about them from my guy friends…but I’ll put in the effort if it’ll make you men calm the eff down. Goodness.
1. Ladies, I really need you to stop trying to steal your friends’ boyfriends. Yea, okay, you thought you were going to meet the dude of your dreams by the time you were 24 and were supposed to get married on the beach in a light blue strapless flowing gown with 300 of your closest friends…ooooh, and then you woke up. So why don’t you suck it up and act like a real friend and frickin’ be happy for your girl? You skank. ALSO, if you get caught, omg, please, PLEASE, do not start crying and begging your friend to still love you and you didn’t mean to do it and you guys should never let a guy come between you….You probably should have thought of that before you started giving him hickies in the back of his pickup. You don’t deserve good friends. Next.
2. What’s up with the unnecessary competition between female friends?! I’m going to have to say, personally, I only like cute people, so I love it when I go out with my girls and they are looking extra fierce. I find it so ridiculous when you walk into a room to meet your friends and one of them goes, “Oh *frown*, aw, you look cuter than me.” What, ho? Dumbest girl shit to say ever. Who’s to blame for that? There are only two possible answers for this: God and you. Stop worrying about what other people are doing, worry about yourself. Shit man. Grow up.
3. This one is really funny to me. Let’s get something straight right now. No one particularly enjoys being overweight. Now, there are some people who might be comfortable with their size, but no one walks into McD’s everyday saying, “Man, I can’t wait to get fat! I love these fucking rolls on the back of my neck!” So ladies, please stop faking and do not a) talk shit about your friends when they are dedicated to fitness and try to make them feel bad about themselves because your ass is too lazy to go to the gym and b) if you are losing weight, whether it’s on purpose or not, do not fucking complain about it. Because, really, who doesn’t like losing weight unless it’s due to a terminal illness? Dummy.
4. Do not try to change a man’s mind regarding how he feels about you or what he’s trying to get out of your relationship. It’s going to bite you in the ass, and in the end the only thing I can say is, “I told you so.” You date a guy for a couple of months and he’s like, “We’re just having fun, I don’t want to have a relationship.” OKAY LADIES. AT THIS MOMENT, you either accept the status of your current relationship or you get the fuck out, and get out quickly. Don’t continue to think, “Maybe if I cook for him enough and show him that I’ll be a good girlfriend he’ll fall in love with me.” Men are hard-headed!! And you were lucky enough to have a guy who didn’t want to lead you on. Leave it alone and move on. Otherwise, you’re just going to start becoming super needy and ridiculous. And baby, we don’t want that. I don’t want that for you.
5. Calling dibs or being super possessive of a guy, when you really have no claim over him. You’re going to look maaaaad ignorant and crazy, not only to the guy you’re directing this towards, but to all your friends as well. And they’re going to talk about you behind your back. And I, personally, am going to giggle at you in your face and call you a crazy ho. Yea I know, especially when you’re drunk as hell you start thinking of all this crazy stuff. I will admit, with alcohol to fuel the fire, I have been like, the queen of developing conspiracy theories in my head. That shit has GOT to stop and usually make no sense when you sober up. So just consider this beforehand and blame it on the alcohol–but ignore it.
6. Do not date a guy who treats you like shit for months, bitch about him to all your friends, which will ultimately make them hate his guts, then CONTINUE to date him!!!! Really, chick? What the fuck? I can’t even feel sorry for you now, and everything bad that I’ve said about guys has been canceled out by your inability to act normal and leave a really shitty situation. And also, here’s another result of your stupid actions–your friends aren’t going to want to be around old boy due to all the shit you said about him, so now you either have to alienate your friends or be one hell of a juggler between your relationship and your friends. So, think. You alienate your friends, and then all you have left is the asshole who’s treating you like shit in the first place. Because that’s healthy. I once had a friend who dated this guy–he didn’t treat her like complete shit, but he was def a little possessive and off. They had the EXACT SAME argument everyday, and she’d always come to me bitching and crying about it. Finally, I told her, “Dude look, if you don’t want to break up with him that’s on you, but seriously, I can’t hear about this anymore. It’s just painful to hear the same thing everyday and nothing is being done to resolve the situation.” SO, she got MAD AT ME because I was being a bad friend because I didn’t want to listen to her whining anymore. Yea, that was one of the reasons I realized her ass was crazy. We no longer speak.
7. Getting mad at the chick your boyfriend is cheating on you with if she didn’t know about you. I mean, it’s a definite possibility that he said he didn’t have a girlfriend in order to get in the other chick’s pants. So honestly, I know it sucks, but it’s really not her fault. It can be hard not to lunge for the person that you have a better chance of beating up when you walk in on them in bed or something, but just let the poor girl get dressed and leave. However, if she knew that you were the guy’s girlfriend and is blatantly trying to take your man, super soak both of them with vinegar (lol, I just thought of that, oh man, they’d stink SO BAD! giggle) and proceed to leave and saunter down the street like the sexy little minx you are.
8. Ladies, please, for the love of God, stop keying cars, slashing tires, busting windows out of cars, any of that mess. I blame Jazmine Sullivan and Carrie Underwood for this shit. They do it in music videos and look all hot and badass fucking up a dude’s shit because he deserves it, but let me make this very clear: THIS DOES NOT TRANSLATE INTO REAL LIFE. And furthermore, it’s not even very creative (see vinegar example above, now THAT is hilarious). I think I draw the line at egging stuff (not that I’ve ever done that…) because at least with eggs, they suck to clean up, but there’s usually no permanent damage. But doing anything that involves a weapon or costs a shitload of money to fix, really, you’re just doing too much. I mean, when people hear the story they will probably find it hilarious, but not in a funny haha way, more of a daaaaamn that’s hilarious that ho is crazy way. Just sayin. Do yourself a favor, and if someone pisses you off that badly that you need to do some shit like that, have them exit your life. Quickly.
9. Stop acting shady, then acting like a victim when people get pissed at you. You know damn well what you were trying to do, so why don’t you just man up about it and respond with a, “Yea, I did that shit. And what of it nuckas!” Personally, I’m going to respect you way more than if you make up some other bullshit about how you had no idea that someone would be upset by what you did or you didn’t know you couldn’t do that or you didn’t think that was disrespectful. Just hush it up and go out like a G. For some reason, women never want to look aggressive or like they are capable of being spiteful on purpose. But, newsflash, we ARE SPITEFUL. Don’t deny it! Just know when you can bring it out. Strategy, ladies…
10. Don’t do really really slutty things, then get upset when people call you a slut. Like, really bitch, are you kidding?! Don’t let the football team run a train on you and then get defensive when other nice guys don’t want to date you or chicks start whispering about you. You brought that on yourself. And why would you even think that is okay?!?!?! EW girl! Just ew!
I know this wasn’t as angry as my rants usually are, but I’m sorry, it’s really hard to hate on my own gender! I also had way less examples. Hopefully, this helped you all come to the conclusion that no, I don’t spend all day thinking of ways to hate men, I hate everyone!!! Duh.
Filed under: Dating, Friends, Love | 3 Comments
Tags: crazy, Dating, jerks, women
Vote for Red Ink, Hoes.
http://www.91x.com/hardrock, vote for Red Ink, because I said so! And you don’t want me to come after you. It won’t be pretty.
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